Original thoughts of mine are very rare, and when they come they will probably make you laugh your ass off. What I will do, though, is steal other people’s jokes I think are funny and then deliver them in a terrible way that will ruin them, because I’ll already be laughing at the punchline I’m thinking of but can’t say. I’m on this dating website because I’m a little bit crazy, a little bit funny, and a little bit attractive. I’m aware of the absolute contradiction of my high standards, and am not willing to budge on them. I will not go to the gym, but expect you to. I will not skimp out on late-night dessert or white bread, and will look down on you if you do, simultaneously expecting you to stay fit. I’d rather die fat and happy than skinny and angry (let’s face it, I’d love to die eating my favorite foods a size 6 but we both know that’s not going to happen)(also, I totally stole that joke from someone. See what I mean?). I’m probably going to laugh at you when you do something romantic, and I probably will make you watch a lot of tv with me. I will hog the covers and keep the room we sleep in very cold, for comfort’s sake. I refuse to get up before 10 on a day when I have no obligations, and will not tolerate loud noises before then. I expect you to validate my feelings when they need validation and challenge them when I’m wrong. Believe it or not, I do want a differing point of view every once and a while, but when (and only when) I want it. I want what I want when I want it. I will take out my anger on you and apologize for it later. I don’t have a lot of baggage, and am pretty easy going. I don’t like making decisions, but will if forced. I will judge you for using poor grammar and will not text you back if you use “u” as a replacement for “you” and/or don’t use punctuation.
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