Honesty, ironically.

There are a lot of things I would like to blog about right now. And sadly, the things I really want to blog about I feel I have to edit because of who might read it. I can't even tell you how restricting that feels. I want to go into my deepest thoughts, but once you find out who's reading your thoughts, you begin to edit them. And I'm sick of editing. I've always kind of prided myself on being honest -- I thought it was one of my best attributes. But recently I've laxed a little bit on that front. I haven't been honest with myself, and that was leading to dishonest relationships. Ironically, this clip just came on TV.

Pass it On TV Spots Classroom | Values - Pass It On

So here we go. What I honestly want to blog about, because, quite frankly, I don't give a fuck who reads this. These are my thoughts. Don't reprimand me for them. I didn't ask you to read this, or show it to you personally. You're choosing to read it, so read it, and shut your mouth.

Christmas present from Alex. It reads, "SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE". Easily my favorite present.

I'm dreading our upcoming "camping trip". I just know it's going to get really awkward. I was always the third wheel with Ryan and his friends, because I was the one who went to a different school. Yes, we all had the same friends, but I wasn't privy to their inside jokes, and frankly, didn't share the same sense of humor. And now, on top of that, I know where their loyalties lie -- and it's with Ryan, not me. I can confidently say that whatever I say to any of those girls will get back to Ryan. Guaranteed. And now that we've broken up that has become ten times worse. So camping will be awkward, to say the least. I just know I'm going to have a hard time sitting around and pretending that we're all best friends when I know where their loyalty lies. I'm not retarded. It's almost insulting how stupid they think I am, when they think they're being all sneaky. They seriously think that I buy they're actually interested in my life? No, I know whatever I say goes right back to their boyfriends, and right back to Ryan. But if I don't talk to them I'm being bitchy and I hate them.

So why am I going, you ask? Because I want them to prove me wrong. Because they've been trying to convince me that even though we broke up we can still all be friends. And I really, really want to believe that, so I'm going. Who knows what will happen.