A quote from Eliot Rose's "A Love Letter From My Hands to Yours"

"In my veins I’ve always known you are of a wandering tribe. It was silly of me to believe I could hold you forever. Just know, when your exploits have left you weary, I’ll be up late, challenging these keys to tell you the things my mouth could never say."

-Oh, Thought Catalog.

Fires, pineapples and cops, oh my!

But not necessarily in that order. You see, it all starting this evening around 9 pm, after a rather disappointing trip to Target.

I was there looking for wrapping paper (to line my desk drawers with--but that's another post) and red, white and blue M&M's. After wandering around in the store aimlessly for an hour, running into a couple I'd rather not talk to, and spending at least 20 minutes in front of the wrapping paper display (alas, only to be disappointed) I gave up and left the store. It is a rare day that I come out of Target empty handed, so this is one for the record books already. I sat in my car with a disheartened sigh and decided that I didn't want to go home. I remembered from Facebook previously that day that there was to be a bonfire at the Delt Haus, and proceeded to call my mother for permission to attend it. She complied, under the condition that I would not drink (I had already planned on staying sober, by the way) and I began the trek to Caldwell, elated with the possibility of seeing people that I hadn't hung out with in a month.

The actual bonfire itself was pretty uneventful, some wood was burned, I got hit on by Will Gordon, caught up with Maria--the uszh. Around 12 am, I got pretty bored and decided I would be on my way. I had just gotten on the freeway when I got a text from Maria (and I quote) "Preseeent". She had said something earlier about having my birthday present from her in her car, and I realized that I had left without it. Not willing to let my present be stuck in her car ONE MORE DAY I promptly got off at the next exit and turned around to go back to the haus.

In case you are not familiar with Caldwell, let me tell you about it. Fucking weird. You see, it has this one street (Cleveland Blvd) that links Caldwell to Nampa, and has a bunch of pawn shops and tattoo parlors along it (catch my drift, eh?), and then all these side streets that run diagonally to it. It's not that hard to figure out once you've been driving along it for a while, but when you first get out there it's like "Hmm, I think I'll turn here, this seems right. WAIT WTF WHERE AM I IS THIS THE MCDONALD'S BY SCHOOL OH MY GOD THERE'S THE DOLLAR STORE WHAT??" Anyway, having lived out in C-town for 9 months or so, I know my way around pretty well. I turned at the McDonald's, (as you do, the fastest way to get to C of I from Cleveland Blvd), and then at the intersection of Indiana and whatever street the dollar store is on, there is a 4-way stop sign. In the height of traffic this can get pretty crazy because apparently after driver's ed no one remembers how to use a stop sign anymore. But in this case, it was like half past midnight and the road was pretty much empty. So I brake at the stop sign and go on my merry way. I turn on my brights to see where to turn for the Delt Haus driveway, and right at that second I spy blue and red lights in my rearview mirror.

Yep. I got pulled over.

I pulled to the side of the road while simultaneously panicking in my head. ("OH MY GOD IS THAT A COP? Guess I'll pull over to the shoulder* instead of the parking lot that is like, 100 feet away. I wonder if he's going to be a nice cop, OH MY GOD why is he taking forever?? Why do they always take forever?? How am I going to tell my mom about this**! OHMYGOD")

Anyway, I reached in the back for my purse, dug out my wallet, rolled down my window and began to patiently wait for the officer to come interrogate me. Of course, I began to wonder why I was pulled over while waiting for him to come (which seemed like an eternity) and decide it must be not coming to a complete stop at the stop sign. Hopefully I'll get a nice officer who understands and won't give me a ticket. I start praying to God a little bit, hoping I don't get a ticket. Eventually he showed up at my window, and our conversation went a little something like this:

Officer: "Evening, ma'm."

Me: "Hello, officer!" (Okay, he looks friendly. Bald, but his eyes are nice. Maybe I'm in luck!)

O: "I'm Officer *mumble mumble mumble* on the night watch tonight. Are you aware that you did not come to a complete stop at the intersection?"

Me: "Yes, I was," *gestures awkwardly back at the intersection* "I was thinking about why you pulled me over and decided that was it, yeah."

O: "How old are you?"

Me: "19."

O: "Do you have a license?"

Me: "Yes!" *enthusiastically pulls it out of wallet*

O: "Where are you coming from tonight?" *whilst shining flashlight in my eyes*

Me: *Squinting* "Just right up there," *gestures towards Delt Haus, "I was at my friend's house and then I realized I forgot my birthday present, so I had to circle back and come get it..."

O: "I see...so you go to school here?"

Me: "Yep."

O: "What are you studying?"

Me: "I'm a theater/psychology double major." *Ruffles through papers in glove box to find registration*

O: "You play any sports?"

Me: "Nope...just theater..."

O: "Well, have you ever gotten a ticket before?"

Me: "No, sir."

O: "Do you want one now?"

Me: "No, sir."

O: "Do you promise to come to complete stops?"

Me: "Yes, sir!"

O: "Alright then, I'll let you go. You have a good night, drive safe."

Me: "I will, thank you very much!!"

*Which isn't really a shoulder at all, just a bike lane. Poor panicky-decisions.

**BTW, sorry if you read this before I get the chance to tell you, Mom. Love you!

I then proceeded to drive my adrenaline-pumped, shaking ass the next 500 feet to the Delt Haus to receive my gift, which was....drum roll please.....a pineapple!

I gave Maria a run down of what just happened and she spaced out for most of it, I think, plus I was all hyped up and wasn't really speaking English. It's hard enough for her to understand me when I'm speaking English because she's Asian, so I can't imagine what she thought I was talking about. "Crazy white girl waving her hands around talking about being arrested. Oh shit, cops, I'm giving this bitch a pineapple and leaving."

That was my night. I thank my lucky stars I had a nice officer who understood. Turns out everything I've heard about talking yourself out of tickets is true, tell the truth, be honest and nice to the officer and he'll (or she, I guess) be understanding. Lesson learned: Come to a complete stop.

Again, my life = made.

Hands down, the best birthday present ever. Further proof that Dillon is the Best Friend Ever.

http://dillongr.blogspot.com/2011/06/happy-birthday-courtney.html

So lost for words right now. I could cry of happiness if I ever cried. I only cry when I AMLOST.

Birthday Wishlist

1. A kitty.
2. A hot man.
3. A shopping spree.
4. To live somewhere that it is accepted (and reasonable) that I ride my bike everywhere.
5. This place also preferably has a beach.

And I don't know. Lots of other things too, I guess.

It's June.

Yay.

My future online dating profile

I decided I can add/edit this when I get to the point where I have to start dating online.

Original thoughts of mine are very rare, and when they come they will probably make you laugh your ass off. What I will do, though, is steal other people’s jokes I think are funny and then deliver them in a terrible way that will ruin them, because I’ll already be laughing at the punchline I’m thinking of but can’t say. I’m on this dating website because I’m a little bit crazy, a little bit funny, and a little bit attractive. I’m aware of the absolute contradiction of my high standards, and am not willing to budge on them. I will not go to the gym, but expect you to. I will not skimp out on late-night dessert or white bread, and will look down on you if you do, simultaneously expecting you to stay fit. I’d rather die fat and happy than skinny and angry (let’s face it, I’d love to die eating my favorite foods a size 6 but we both know that’s not going to happen)(also, I totally stole that joke from someone. See what I mean?). I’m probably going to laugh at you when you do something romantic, and I probably will make you watch a lot of tv with me. I will hog the covers and keep the room we sleep in very cold, for comfort’s sake. I refuse to get up before 10 on a day when I have no obligations, and will not tolerate loud noises before then. I expect you to validate my feelings when they need validation and challenge them when I’m wrong. Believe it or not, I do want a differing point of view every once and a while, but when (and only when) I want it. I want what I want when I want it. I will take out my anger on you and apologize for it later. I don’t have a lot of baggage, and am pretty easy going. I don’t like making decisions, but will if forced. I will judge you for using poor grammar and will not text you back if you use “u” as a replacement for “you” and/or don’t use punctuation.